Why and How

Todays Spritual Routine Progress:

  • Listen to a Podcast from Laudate.  ✔
  • Pray  ✔
  • Send thoughts of loving kindness and pray a blessing for 3 people.  ✔
  • Read 2 chapters from the Holy Bible.  ✔
  • Meditate (currently 10 min.) ✔

Today I read Psalm 5 & 6, and found myself tearing up by the end of Psalm 6.  Whether from emotion or exhaustion I can not say.

This time, during meditation the colour was different then usual.  Instead of the usual rosy pinks and reds I saw mostly grey and pale yellow, the colour of swiss cheese.  It was decidedly less pleasant.  I struggled with thoughts of food and what I would write about my meditation experience today.  I was aware of my own poor posture.  And the cat was a distraction.  Still, I endured the full 10 min.

Developing this spiritual routine is important to me, not just for the sake of developing routine, and self-discipline.  And not only in attempting to find more perspective, and inner peace, and to aid in emotional regulation.  And though I hope that it does all those things, what I mostly desire is to draw closer to God and to strengthen my personal relationship with Christ.  I remember a time in my life when my faith was strong and my heart passionate for Christ.  I long to regain what I have lost.  To grow and become stronger in my faith.  To feel a close spiritual connection with my God again.  To be filled once again with love and peace that passes all understanding.  To be filled with a consuming passion for God, and find that he is enough.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can ever regain the exact child like faith that I once had.  And maybe I’m not meant to.  Through life I have grown and changed, and it makes sense that my spiritual life would change to.  And though my spiritual life has changed, at a first glance I have trouble seeing any positive growth.  Upon closer inspection I find increases in acceptance and understanding and love towards all mankind.   I find a distaste for organized religion and the dogma and legalism that stems from them.  I find I’ve developed a broadening acceptance of other denominations and faiths, though still look to the Holy Bible and the Holy Spirit for ultimate guidance and understanding.  My faith is becoming my own, and I’m still sorting things out.  Therefore, I continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling.  (more information on what that means can be found here)

12 ‘Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.’  ~Phillipians 2:12-13~

 

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge


Today’s Mood out of 10 with 1 being low:  5

Today’s Something New: 

  • Made an origami paper crane.

Today’s Social Connection:

  • Texts with RD
  • brief Msgs with JF

Today’s Lessons to Remember: 

  1. It’s best to shut the cat out of the room during meditation.
  2. Growth need not always be measured in the ways we expect.

Today’s Joy Notes:

  • Making a bright teal paper crane.
  • The kids playing ‘Master Chef’ with their plastic pretend food, and bringing me their food to judge along with the food of a third imaginary contestant.
  • Lots of laughs as I continued to participate on a progressive story.
  • A bubble bath.
  • Chocolate cake and Milk.
  • My DD being so eager to help around the house.
  • Cuddling the kids while watching ‘Master Chef’ together.
  • Writing a poem for the first time in 15 years.
  • A friend, RD, taking time to keep me company via text when I felt lonesome.
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