Restless Urgency In The Wake of The Unexpected.

So, it’s been over a week since my last post, and I promise that it was for a good reason, for the most part. 😉

August 18th I did attempt to hike Sulpher Mountain as planned.

The short story is that I didn’t make it.  I had a medical emergency 3/4 of the way up the mountain, and was airlifted off and spent the evening at the local hospital, and then spent the night sleeping in my van.

It is my intention to post a detailed account of that day here, as it made me re-evaluate my life, and it is my hope that it will prompt me to change.  Besides the fact, that it’s a really great story!  😉  However, I am still in the process of writing about the experience, and meanwhile life goes on and I need to continue to record some stuff for myself on this blog.  So, when the story finally does come, it will be chronologically a little out of order.  Keep an eye out for that post though, I promise that it will be a good one!

The big importance to me, of what occurred on Monday August 18th is that, as I said, it made me re-evaluate my life.  It occurred to me that I might die, and that made me restless, and gave me an urgency to take immediate action towards change in my life.  The problem is, that I don’t know what I want out of life, I just know that I don’t want to continue living my life the way I have been living.  I feel that either I need to change the life I’m living, or leave the life I’m living.   And to be honest, I am So afraid that I and my life will remain unchanged.  I know that change takes time, and that it’s often the little changes over time that lead to the big changes, but the longer the change takes, the more likely I am to run away from this life.   I considered so many options, even as extreme as moving my family to Aruba.  I don’t want to run away though, I want to change this life to make it work for everyone involved.

I spent a week in emotional and mental chaos, and all I can say is thank God for Shifu, because without him as a sound board, and his perspective and pep talks, who knows where or what condition I’d have spun off too.  Even still, after a week of restlessness, exhaustion, medical follow-up, rumination, and processing the events of August 18th, yesterday I sat in a parking lot in a troubled state and I decided to see a counsellor.

In the past I have had some very  bad experiences with counsellors, and so I was understandably quite nervous to try again.  My intention for going this time was to help me figure out what I want out of life, and what changes to make, though I do admit there is a host of things I am working on improving myself that I’m sure I can use professional support and expertise on as well.  I made the appointment with a new counsellor that I had not seen before, and hoped for the best.  At first impression, this counsellor is charismatic, and intelligent.  He handled my intensity no problem, in fact he met me toe to toe on it.  And though kind, he had no trouble telling me to ‘chill’, and countering me with gentle firmness.  I’m not sure that I got anywhere in terms of  examining possible changes, however I did feel that the session was productive and that there was a good connection.  I am looking forward to continuing to work with him in the future.

I wouldn’t be surprised if, in light of all this, I do some tweaking and revamping to my list here at project maple.

I think it’s time to step up my physical fitness, healthy eating, and self-love.

In the meantime, there’s a few days left in August to stay focused on my Spiritual Routine.

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Todays Spritual Routine Progress:

  • Listen to a Podcast from Laudate.
  • Pray  ✔
  • Send thoughts of loving kindness and pray a blessing for 3 people.
  • Read 2 chapters from the Holy Bible.
  • Meditate (currently 10 min.)

 


 

Today’s Mood out of 10 with 1 being low:  8

Today’s Something New: 

  • Today I asked God to show me how he sees me.
  • Got a new Haircut.
  • Painting my toes a new colour (yellow!)

Today’s Social Connection:

  • brief txt with Shifu
  • brief txt with DMac
  • Chatting witht the Hairdresser.

Today’s Lessons to Remember: 

Coming soon

Today’s Joy Notes:  Coming soon

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