Complacent or Content?

Todays Spiritual Routine Progress:

  • Listen to a Podcast from Laudate.  ✔
  • Pray
  • Send thoughts of loving kindness and pray a blessing for 3 people.
  • Read 2 chapters from the Holy Bible.  ✔ 1 Corinthians 5 & 6
  • Meditate (currently 10 min.)


Today I am somewhat content, though also confused.

The Podcast was over my head, but I really enjoyed 1 Corinthians 5.  I still need to spend time in prayer and mediation.

Today I also  plan on watching  Grahme Cooke: ‘Living Your Truest Identity.’ again.

Yesterday evening I was intense, and frustrated with my life.  I thought if one more person told me to change myself I might hit them.  I wanted to change my life, or just leave my life.  But I couldn’t figure out what I wanted in life.  I had no goal, no destination.

Today I am content for the most part.  I love my life, and I am satisfied with most of it.  I wonder where has this urge and drive for change gone?  It worries me a little, bringing back those concerns that I will remain unchanged.  … but today is peaceful.  No striving.  Is this what it means to rest in the Lord?  To abide in Him?  Is this life wasted?  Or is it the life I was made for?

How can I make changes when I don’t know what I want?  What am I supposed to want?

Today I suspect that the problem lies not in me and not in my life, but in certain relationships.  But I don’t know if that’s really being honest with myself.  But I do know that my marrital relationship causes me frustration and can trigger me to extreme mood drops and intensly negitive thoughts.  I think I’m getting closer to convincing DH to do some marriage counselling with me.  But I still have lots to work on myself.

Today as I look at my list of ‘13 Things I Wish I Did For Myself’ I feel overwhelmed.  Maybe it’s best to go with the easy things first as Josh originally suggested.  I doubt my ability to make a decent affirmation statement at this time, as I still am sorting out who I am and who I want to be.  I think that next month maybe I should work on my goal to ‘Attend Church’ instead.  Perhaps that would be easier.  And September is always a good time of year to start being involved somewhere new.


Later today I plan on doing the Enneagram test


Today’s Mood out of 10 with 1 being low:  4

Today’s Something New:  Coming soon

Today’s Social Connection:

  • brief txts with FV
  • messaging with Josh

Today’s Lessons to Remember:  Coming soon

Today’s Joy Notes: 

  • DH taking the kids out so I can have a quiet hour to myself
  • Free bookshelves from FV

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