Todays Spiritual Routine Progress:
- Listen to a Podcast from Laudate. ✔
- Send thoughts of loving kindness and pray a blessing for 3 people.
- Read 2 chapters from the Holy Bible. ✔ 1 Corinthians 5 & 6
- Meditate (currently 10 min.)
Today I am somewhat content, though also confused.
The Podcast was over my head, but I really enjoyed 1 Corinthians 5. I still need to spend time in prayer and mediation.
Today I also plan on watching Grahme Cooke: ‘Living Your Truest Identity.’ again.
Yesterday evening I was intense, and frustrated with my life. I thought if one more person told me to change myself I might hit them. I wanted to change my life, or just leave my life. But I couldn’t figure out what I wanted in life. I had no goal, no destination.
Today I am content for the most part. I love my life, and I am satisfied with most of it. I wonder where has this urge and drive for change gone? It worries me a little, bringing back those concerns that I will remain unchanged. … but today is peaceful. No striving. Is this what it means to rest in the Lord? To abide in Him? Is this life wasted? Or is it the life I was made for?
How can I make changes when I don’t know what I want? What am I supposed to want?
Today I suspect that the problem lies not in me and not in my life, but in certain relationships. But I don’t know if that’s really being honest with myself. But I do know that my marrital relationship causes me frustration and can trigger me to extreme mood drops and intensly negitive thoughts. I think I’m getting closer to convincing DH to do some marriage counselling with me. But I still have lots to work on myself.
Today as I look at my list of ‘13 Things I Wish I Did For Myself’ I feel overwhelmed. Maybe it’s best to go with the easy things first as Josh originally suggested. I doubt my ability to make a decent affirmation statement at this time, as I still am sorting out who I am and who I want to be. I think that next month maybe I should work on my goal to ‘Attend Church’ instead. Perhaps that would be easier. And September is always a good time of year to start being involved somewhere new.
Later today I plan on doing the Enneagram test
Today’s Mood out of 10 with 1 being low: 4
Today’s Something New: Coming soon
Today’s Social Connection:
- brief txts with FV
- messaging with Josh
Today’s Lessons to Remember: Coming soon
Today’s Joy Notes:
- DH taking the kids out so I can have a quiet hour to myself
- Free bookshelves from FV