It has been a rocky few weeks, and even though we didn’t attend a Sunday service at the new church we were considering trying, I did manage to attend church 3 out of the 4 weeks of September. 🙂
My regular spiritual routine has not been as regular or as full as what I established in August, however, I have continued to spend time in prayer. My prayer life was greatly influenced by the book ‘Practice of the Presence of God’ by Brother Lawrence, and have since developed a closer relationship with my Lord and Savior. I will continue to seek to find rest in Him and live my life in a constant state of prayer and thanksgiving. I’d also like to get back into more of a regular routine with my bible reading and meditation.
Mentally and emotionally the past few weeks have been very difficult, however with the increase in my medication, and consistent support through twice weekly counselling sessions, as well as the changes in my spiritual life and attempts to stay present with God, I have slowly become more functional. I am still rather low functioning most days, however today was a wonderful day, and I am thrilled to be starting out the new month on a high note. It’s the perfect time to get back to writing at this blog, and decide which of my 13 goals to focus on this month.
I’m really not sure which of my goals to take and run with this month, but I think that ‘Stop feeling guilty when I practice self-love‘ is probably a good pick. I guess that mostly I think that this would be a good pick because I have been really trying to carve out space for me in my life and my attempts at taking more time for myself have been met with some resistance from my family. fortunately as the weeks have worn on my family seems to have become more understanding and accepting of this. I do still feel guilty however. Knowing that I only have so much time and energy, and not being able to function the way I used to as a result of the emotional and mental crisis I have been experiencing, I have often felt guilty about not being able to meet my families needs in the way I want too, and in the way I once did. In fact, just last night it was a huge source of guilt for me that I was unable to manage my sons bedtime routine. This triggered all sorts of uncomfortable and rapidly changing feelings. I am so blessed that I was able to turn to my husband and counselor for support. And I was even more blessed to have my counselor point me back to God and the support I can find in Him.
Later on this month I am able to get away for a week on my own, for a week of rest and relaxation and hopefully of renewal. This week is supposed to be all about me, and it will be a great opportunity for me to practice some intense Self Love. If you’re wondering what I mean when I say self-love, this quote from an interview with Christine Arylo in Aspire Magazine gives you a pretty good idea:
“Self-love is the unconditional love and respect you have for yourself that is so deep, so solid, so unwavering that you choose only situations and relationships – including the one you have with yourself – that reflect that same unconditional love and respect.
In our culture, there are a lot of words other than self-love that people are much more comfortable using – self-esteem, self-awareness, self-care, self-worth, self-compassion – words that many people mistakenly believe are the same as self-love. While all the ideas expressed by these words are components of self-love, none alone is a synonym for self-love. Love is a specific, un-paralleled, and all-powerful vibration, and none of these aspects of self-love has that power on their own – but put them together and WOW! You’ve got a tree of self-love!”
~Christine Arylo in Inspire Magazine~
During this month, I intend to learn more about Self-Love by reading Christine Arylo’s book ‘Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of becoming your own best friend.’ Really ‘Learn about and practice Self Love’ would be a proper goal for me on its own, since pretty much I am lacking in all components of self-love listed above, with the exception maybe of ‘self-awareness’. Regardless, the goal I listed was to ‘Stop feeling guilty when I practice Self-Love’, so I will keep it as it is, and I guess that will kick what I’m working on this month up a notch even further.